Chapter 2.26: New Life: Part 2

I can’t breathe. I can’t think. We lost the baby. I lost the baby.  Even if I was ‘only’ 5 weeks… it hurt so much. Oh Watcher had I been so stupid to think I could carry a baby to term at my age? Was I going to fail my mother’s legacy before it even started?

“I can’t do anything today.” I whispered. I was surprised I could even speak. 

“I’m here for you, when you’re ready.”

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“I don’t think I’ll every be ready.” I whispered, silent tears running down my cheeks. “It’s all my fault.”

“It is not. Don’t say that, Selena.”

No matter what he said, I knew it was my fault. He wasn’t the one who had been carrying a baby. He wasn’t the one who lost the baby either. For days I didn’t leave the house. Somedays I couldn’t even bear to get out of bed. I didn’t know what to do. Derek, he tried everything, he really did. He tried to get my mind off of it. Little dates right at home. When I finally went out, went back to work, I went to the gym after. Working out to fight off pain was something I did. I did it after Ramon, I did it now. I don’t know what to do anymore. My whole life, I thought I’d be a mom. What if I can’t even do that?

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247:03-03-18

~~~~~

I was laying down on our bed, after another long day. How I made it through today, I don’t know. One of my co-workers announced she was pregnant, and I just kept thinking ‘that could have been me’. I tried not to cry at work…but now I was here, at home, alone. Derek wasn’t back home from work yet. Everything came rushing back to me and it took all my might not to start full-on sobbing.

“Selena?” 

I rolled over to look at the clock we’d put up. 9:00. Had I really been just laying here for 2 hours? I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

“Are you in here?” I heard the door creak open, and I did my best to not look like I’d been crying for 2 hours. I wiped the tears off my face. He smiled as he came in. “Hey! Guess what? I got a promotion!”

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I smiled for the first time that day. He’d been wanted this for a while now. “That’s great!” Suddenly I realized my voice was still off from my earlier sob-fest, and it didn’t sound right.

“Selena, are you okay?” He gently pulled me closer. “I know a lot of stuff has happened, and…”

I really wanted to say, that, yes, I was ok. But instead the word I found coming out of my mouth was “No.”

And with that admittance, I felt all my walls crashing down, and just felt so vulnerable, laying there in my husband’s arms. I felt like the small little girl I was, with no control of my life.

“Selena, I love you. You know that, right?” I nodded, crying. “You mean everything to me.” Leaning closer, he added, “It’s going to be ok.”

I knew that everything may not be ok. I knew that. But those words were what I wanted to hear. Not, ‘You’ll get pregnant’ or ‘It wasn’t meant to happen’, but just a simple promise that everything would turn out ok. It was what I needed to believe right now.

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A/N: I tried to convey a realistic portrayal of what Selena is going through right now. About 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and with so many women that have gone through this, I really want this to seem realistic because it is very hard to go through a miscarriage for some women, especially if the pregnancy was planned. If you have any comments or feedback for this chapter (and the next few) I would really appreciate it. Thanks! 🙂

12 thoughts on “Chapter 2.26: New Life: Part 2

  1. That’s such a rough thing to go through! I think you did a great job portraying it. Here’s to trying again, and if that fails, adoption?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is rough…poor Selena. I hope she is able to have the family she wants, in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love how you portrayed her miscarriage. Not sugarcoating it at all especially since so many women go through this. I’m so glad that Derek was there for Selena though. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you think I portrayed it well. I wanted it to be realistic. It is definitely important that he was there for her.

      Like

  4. Oh no, this is sad 😦 And very anxiety inducing! I can’t imagine how she must feel, at her age as a legacy heiress…

    Miscarriages are such tender subjects. I’ve been considering having one happen in Rose Garden for a while now, but I love my ladies so much I don’t know if I could bear putting any of them through it 😥 It does make for good emotion, though, especially with a character like Selena who’s already dealt with so much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I can only hope I was able to portray it well! It doesn’t help her knowing she needs a baby daughter…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Nooo! My eye’s! They’re leaking!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess that means I did a good job, then… Chapters like these are hard to write.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Guh- I totally feel for her. Poor Selena. Hugs all around.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Poor Selena… I really feel for her. My Sim, Maddie, also had a miscarriage, and she’d been wanting the child so badly. I feel like you’re portraying this realistically.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I try to portray things realistically!

      Liked by 1 person

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