Chapter 2.28: What If

I was scared to tell everyone. More like anyone. What if I lost the baby again? I kept quiet. When I started showing, I wore clothes that hid my small bump. When I finally couldn’t fit in any of my clothes, when I had to shop for maternity clothes…part of me finally realized this was really happening.  I visited my brother’s family, and told them about the pregnancy when I was 16 weeks.  It was the first time I’d been at their new place.

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It was hard. I couldn’t help think about my last pregnancy, but I slowly let myself think about the future ahead. Slowly. But yet I always stopped myself. If was my most used word. If I carry the baby to term. If the baby is born. I don’t want to fall in love with them in case… in case I lose them. 

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I could do this, right? Could I? I was so scared. Was I too old for this? What if I have a boy, and I can’t get pregnant again? My mom… she wanted us to become a family that lived on for generations, but the line went on through the firstborn daughter. A legacy family is what she called it…

“What if I can’t do it?” I whispered one day.

“Of course you can do it. Think about our little boy or girl.”

“I can’t! I’m too scared. I…” I gasped. Our baby just kicked. “They kicked.” I whispered. They kicked. Oh my Watcher.

“I have a new ‘what if’ for you, Selena. What if you can?”

In this moment, I felt like I could. Feeling our baby kick, it made everything ok.

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For the first time in a very long time, I felt maybe things would be ok.

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A/N: It was hard to write this chapter. Also, you might have noticed I updated my site’s style 🙂 I’m much happier with how it looks now 😄  

4 thoughts on “Chapter 2.28: What If

  1. “What if you can?”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I felt so happy when I read that: “What if you can?” Also, she looks so cute and joyful on the last shot.

    Liked by 1 person

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