I was scared to tell everyone. More like anyone. What if I lost the baby again? I kept quiet. When I started showing, I wore clothes that hid my small bump. When I finally couldn’t fit in any of my clothes, when I had to shop for maternity clothes…part of me finally realized this was really happening. I visited my brother’s family, and told them about the pregnancy when I was 16 weeks. It was the first time I’d been at their new place.
It was hard. I couldn’t help think about my last pregnancy, but I slowly let myself think about the future ahead. Slowly. But yet I always stopped myself. If was my most used word. If I carry the baby to term. If the baby is born. I don’t want to fall in love with them in case… in case I lose them.
I could do this, right? Could I? I was so scared. Was I too old for this? What if I have a boy, and I can’t get pregnant again? My mom… she wanted us to become a family that lived on for generations, but the line went on through the firstborn daughter. A legacy family is what she called it…
“What if I can’t do it?” I whispered one day.
“Of course you can do it. Think about our little boy or girl.”
“I can’t! I’m too scared. I…” I gasped. Our baby just kicked. “They kicked.” I whispered. They kicked. Oh my Watcher.
“I have a new ‘what if’ for you, Selena. What if you can?”
In this moment, I felt like I could. Feeling our baby kick, it made everything ok.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt maybe things would be ok.
A/N: It was hard to write this chapter. Also, you might have noticed I updated my site’s style 🙂 I’m much happier with how it looks now 😄