“I’ll get you right out of that high chair, Lexie.” I rushed to the nearest bathroom, stopping for only a moment. I was about to throw up, and I didn’t need something else to clean up.
I thought I wasn’t gonna make it. Thank Watcher I made it to the bathroom. As my head was hanging over the toilet, I heard Lexie’s wails. Damn it. It was too much. I lifted my head up to get Lexie out, when a strong wave of nausea left me vomiting back in the toilet.
This would be hard, I know… Even if I wasn’t pregnant. I hadn’t even told my family yet. Watcher. The plants my mom had planted, years ago, were still our main source of money, and yet I hardly had time to water, spray, and weed them. I didn’t have any money for a gardener either.
Once I managed to get Addie and Lexie to bed, I immediately went to work on the garden. I just wanted to lay down, but I couldn’t. There was always something to do.
I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that something would go wrong. I hadn’t had easy pregnancies before, and that was when someone was there to help me when I didn’t feel I could get out of bed! How was I supposed to do everything?
At some point, everything seemed to be either broken or dirty. Showers are supposed to be clean! Mold and gunk shouldn’t be coming out of the cracks! I was not going to try to fit my huge pregnant body in there to clean the shower! I was uncomfortable enough already, and I just tried to deal with the grime while showering.
I got so big in the third trimester. I was even scared I was carrying twins. The only thing harder than one baby was two. Once when the girls were asleep, I just sat down, having my dinner, thinking about things. Everything was a blur. He was gone. My husband was gone. My kids would never know him. I closed my eyes and imagined everything would be ok.
Lexie’s babbles brought me out of my thoughts. “Mama!”
“Lexie, what are you doing?” How had she even gotten down here?
Oh Watcher. I’d just put her to bed. “Ok, silly, let’s go back to bed.” I couldn’t believe that I was 36 weeks pregnant and still carrying my 2 year old toddler up the stairs.
I leaned against the wall for support as I slowly made my way upstairs. I breathed a sigh of relief when Lexie was back in bed. I slid down the wall by their door, and fell asleep right there.