I never really want to go to school – but I especially didn’t want to go today. I just didn’t want to deal with all the shit. But I have to. I’ve skipped as many times as I can this quarter without them calling my parents which I really don’t need right now. I scrolled through my Simstagram feed filled with a ton of random peoples’ fun-filled pictures of their time at the party. This time, though, I had nothing to add. I hadn’t taken one picture the whole time I was there. I couldn’t wait for everyone to move onto the next cool thing so I could stop getting notifications about it. It was just pissing me off. I don’t know if I could take another ‘perfect night with bae 💗💗💗‘ Snapchat story. Whatever. The worst part is that besides all the Simstagram and Simchat stories I got on my notification screen – I also got a ton of texts from Kyle. Like a fucking million. Okay, it’s not a million, more like twenty, but still.
Ugh. I’m so fucking mad at him!
I just don’t understand why he didn’t want to go for it! And I hate not knowing things, especially when it’s about ME. Sure, I wanna know all the gossip about Liana and Noah, but I can live without! But if it affects me… that’s a different story. I deserve to know why I didn’t get laid last night! I should know that! I don’t want 20 texts that say I’m sorry in 20 different ways! I want a fucking explanation! Is that so hard?! I shut off my phone, flopping back on my bed. I could feel it vibrate next to me as I rolled my eyes even as I went to pick it up again. 100 bucks that it’s – Emily? Dang, her, Amaya, and I have barely said anything to each other since after we left. We were all just really fucking done. I don’t know who had it worse, me or Amaya. Her boyfriend cheated on her which sucks ass but I don’t even think Kyle and I will last much longer after this. Like… I was about to give up my ‘innocence’ to him – and he basically shut me down! I lost my actual innocence a very long time ago, back when I looked out my window and saw Aunt Lexie and Uncle Luca having sex in the hot tub. I was what? 10? 11? It’s not like it was a big deal or anything to me, even back then. But you mention sex to an adult and they freak out and after a certain age, ask if you’re pregnant. Like gosh damn! Maybe I just think sex is a normal part of life because it is! Adults piss me off! They don’t understand that maybe people have different mindsets than them and maybe they aren’t always right! Fuck adults. I sighed, going back to Emily’s text.
‘Hey, it’s been radio silence around here…’ – Emily, 7:04 am
‘How’s Amaya?’ – Vali, 7:06 am
‘Haven’t texted her yet.’ – Emily, 7:07 am
‘How are *you*?’ – Emily, 7:07 am
‘Me?’ – Vali, 7:07 am
‘Uh, yeah. You didn’t do it… so what happened?’ – Emily, 7:08 am
‘He chickened out.’ – Vali, 7:08 am
‘Girl, what? Really?’ -Emily, 7:08 am
‘Said tons of shit about how he can’t take my virginity or whatever.’ – Vali. 7:09 am
‘That’s a dick move.’ – Emily, 7:09 am
‘Ya think?’ -Vali, 7:09 am
‘Gotta catch the bus, one sec.’ – Emily, 7:10 am
I glanced at the time and quickly got on some good clothes to tell people I wasn’t fucking around today and went onto my makeup, going through a bunch of lipsticks. I have every color of the rainbow and then some. What’s the point of doing just some lip gloss or a plain color? I like to make a statement with my outfits – and that includes makeup.
I’ve gotten insanely good at doing it all quickly. I can do some good ass eyeliner in like two seconds and I’m working on being able to do eyeshadow blending faster, but that stuff takes precision! I grabbed my phone from off my bed and rushed downstairs quickly. Since Emily (and Amaya) come from Oasis Springs, they have to get on the bus to get over to Coastal High a lot earlier. School starts at 8:15 and it’s about 25 minutes to go straight from Oasis to Brindleton but the bus has to go around picking everyone up… so it picks them up at like 7:15! Our bus comes at 7:57-ish (and we’re one of the last stops, but still.) Once I got down, I put together some cereal quickly and sat back down to get back to talking with Emily. There were two texts – one to our group chat, saying hey, and one to me.
‘Got a whole seat to myself 😉’ – Emily, 7:17 am
‘Good for you lol’ – Vali, 7:17 am
‘Is Amaya on yet?’ – Vali, 7:17 am
‘Nope, her stop is in two.’ – Emily, 7:18 am
‘I hope she’s okay. Either way, her ex is getting a serious ass-whooping…’ – Vali, 7:18 am
‘Don’t go too crazy, Vali.’ – Emily, 7:19 am
‘Nobody hurts my best friends.’ – Vali, 7:19 am
‘He definitely deserves an ass-whooping, but still.’ – Emily, 7:20 am
‘Lmao, see? Even you’re saying he should!’ – Vali, 7:20 am
‘Well, yeah… I knew he was shit.’ – Emily, 7:20 am
‘Wait really? It wasn’t just me?!’ – Vali, 7:21 am
‘Omg damn you did too?! 😱’ – Emily, 7:21 am
‘Uh, he’s such a player! I knew his ‘I’ve changed’ stuff was bullshit! But I wanted Amaya to be happy…’ – Vali, 7:22 am
‘Sigh. I wish he really had changed.’ – Emily, 7:22 am
‘Lmao dude, people don’t change! Come on!’ – Vali, 7:22 am
‘I like to believe they do.’ – Emily, 7:22 am
‘Okay… well how’s everything going with your bf cause Amaya’s single now and my relationship’s practically done for.’ – Vali, 7:23 am
‘We’re doing good. I feel like I’m bragging, tho.’ – Emily, 7:23 am
‘Isn’t bragging if it’s true!’ – Vali, 7:23 am
‘Uh, I don’t think that’s how it works’ – Emily, 7:24 am
‘Lol, but still. You should be happy for yourself.’ – Vali, 7:24 am
‘Well.. yeah.’ – Emily, 7:24 am
‘We’re at Aya’s stop.’ – Emily, 7:24 am
‘Ok.’ – Vali, 7:25 am
‘Holy shit she didn’t get on!!!!!’ – Emily, 7:25 am
‘Uhhhh WHAT?!’ – Vali, 7:25 am
‘Text her!’ – Emily, 7:26 am
I didn’t just text her, I called her. Nobody ever calls anyone anymore so she must know it’s important. I kept on calling until she finally answered – in a text to Emily and I. She said she just wasn’t going today which is understandable, but still! Damn it, I shouldn’t have skipped so often earlier or I could’ve skipped today too. It’s too late now, though. At least I don’t have to take the bus today. I typically choose to ride the bus since Emily and Jaden are on it, but I just don’t feel like talking today, so I’m going to drive. Sera’s getting on the bus, of course. I could offer to drive her, but like I said, I don’t want to talk. I turned on a really cringy tv show, turning up the sound in order to drown out my thoughts.
I hate shows like this that play into every stereotype and that are so, so predictable, but it was the only thing on right now that wasn’t some kids’ cartoon or food show. I don’t even know how to say how much I hate kids’ shows. They’re so annoying and my little brother still watches them! The episode ended after just a bunch of nonsense. I clicked it off and walked down the steps as fast as I could without slipping. I really have no idea why this huge staircase has to be made, cause it can be annoying. But it looks pretty damn cool looking up. If there’s one thing my moms did right, it’s our house. It looks awesome and impressive as fuck.
I got to school with a decent amount of time to spare – which only meant I had to evade my fucking boyfriend for fourteen minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go to class more than I did right then. It was loud but quiet at the same time; not nearly as loud as it would end up being one everyone got here, but still not even close to silent with everyone talking about something. I swear my textbooks have been sitting in the bottom of my locker ever since I got them. I opened my locker to get out a new stick of gum when a paper fell out, floating to the ground. I bent down to pick it up, reading it over quickly.
Let me just start off by saying that I really don’t understand what you see in Kyle or why you like him. Okay, okay, that was probably the worst opening sentence ever – since I bet you’re already ready to ball this letter up and throw it away, but just hear me out. Please. I’m sure you probably don’t care much for my opinion – in fact, I know you don’t. You’ve made it pretty clear ever since you were dating that you and Kyle are a thing whether I like it or not. And I don’t… but please, just listen to me.
Everyone knows the kind of guy Kyle is and you’re not stupid, so I know that you know, too. He doesn’t have any real goals in life. Have you ever heard him talking about college or job plans? You haven’t – because he doesn’t have any! His life is being the school’s ‘hot guy’ and while that might seem appealing (I’m not gonna lie – he has some legit abs), but you have to date someone for more than his looks. Date someone because they’re a good person and really care about you. Date them because you really care about them.
Vali… even if you don’t give a damn about any of that, your relationship wouldn’t even last because he’s a grade above us. He’s graduating in two years and we’re graduating in three. It’s not just that, either. Your plans don’t fit together. He doesn’t have any, and you… you want to make it big. I know you do. You plan to spend a year in San Myshuno or Del Sol Valley after graduation in one of their acting and theater courses. I know you’ll be a great actress, Vali. I just don’t want him holding you back. I don’t want you to regret this.
What the hell? Jaden has never liked Kyle – and no, I don’t either right now, but what makes him think he should have any say in my romantic life? Who I do or don’t date is up to me! And come on, how can he not see that I don’t think Kyle and I are serious! He actually wrote like a whole damn essay! Why couldn’t he just approach me and say what he had to say like a man?! Who the fuck writes essays anymore and gives them to their friends? You don’t have to think everyone you date is endgame… I turned, glancing through the hallway for any sight of Jaden. I was going to give him a piece of my mind, that’s for sure. At that moment, the bell finally rang and I slammed my locker door shut, making my way to my first class.
I saw Kyle out of the corner of my eye for a second, but I just kept walking. The great thing about him being one grade above me was that we had no classes together. I couldn’t wait until I made it to second period, though… so I could tell Jaden to kiss my ass. I really could not fucking believe him. I don’t want to be serious with anyone right now – and it’s not his business! Ugh. And who writes a damn letter anymore? Say it to my face if you have something to say! I was fuming for all of first period and the second that the bell rung, I practically ran out of there. I’m never the first one in class – usually. Today was different. I sat down in my second period – Biology – waiting for Jaden to walk through that door. He’s practically a star student so he’s never late. Once I finally saw him walk in, I rummaged around in my backpack for the paper. He smiled at me as he sat down and I rolled my eyes before yanking the paper out and brandishing the letter in his face.
“What the fuck is this, Jaden?!” I whisper-yelled to him with a stony glare.
He blinked, obviously surprised at the tone of my voice. “I…”
“You what? It’s my life and it’s my decision who I date.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he whispered, running his hand through his hair.
“I’m not going to get hurt,” I started, ignoring the part of me that was saying ‘what about last night’ and kept going, “because I want a casual relationship. Is that so wrong?”
“No… but you never think about the consequences of what you do! Like last night when you had sex with him!”
I blinked. Once. Twice. “What?”
“Yeah, Vali. I know that you and Kyle had sex last night.”
“Who told you that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. The rumor is going around. So you did?”
I ignored his last question, turning to look at the front of the room. I did not want to talk about it with Jaden right now, not one bit. In fact, I was pissed off about how he was acting that he knew so much better than I did.
“I just don’t think that he’s good for you,” he said, and I whipped around.
“And why do you get to decide that? What, do you think you’d do a better job?”
“What? No…I just think Kyle isn’t a good boyfriend for you,” he stammered.
I shoved the letter into his chest. “By the way, I’ll have you know that Kyle does have plans, he just doesn’t talk about them with you because, well, you fucking hate him.”
“Oh yeah? And what are those?”
“He’s thinking of going into marketing,” I replied pointedly, “so maybe you should get off your high horse and let me determine my own life!”
His face turned pink and he stopped talking, suddenly not too interested in the conversation. Serves him right. We didn’t speak a word to each other the rest of the class.
Why does everyone think I don’t know what I’m doing?! Just because I’m not traditional doesn’t mean I’m wrong. They’re like eight centuries off! If you really think everyone has to be together for life, go back to the 18th century, please! It’s the goddamn 26th century now, come on. We accept people of all sexualities, genders, and races now – it’s crazy to think people used to not accept them. So why can’t people just accept that different people have different ideas about romance? It’s so annoying that everyone expects you to be in love with the person you’re dating. Maybe I just think he’s hot! I could tell that everyone did think Kyle and I had sex from all the looks and murmurs I was getting as I walked throughout the day.
Some were of interest, some of disgust, some of jealousy. Either way, everyone’s eyes were on me. But the thing was… it wasn’t true. I didn’t correct anyone, though. It’s not their business. It’s not like I can stop them from talking… but it was just awkward today. I can usually ignore it, but with all the stuff happening, I was already on edge and it was hard to pretend it didn’t bother me. But I’ll let them believe it happened until they finally figure out it didn’t. Maybe they never will. It usually doesn’t really matter to me because it just tells me a lot about them. They care about my life – and some of them I’ve never even said hi to. All it takes is one person seeing Kyle and I go into that closet at the party and they’ll just run with it. If things had worked out differently, they wouldn’t have been wrong, but still. It’s their problem if they want to stick their nose in my life. I know next week they’ll find a new thing to talk about and normally that’s enough for me to brush it off. It’s normally fun, too. I like watching everyone eye me with interest – but not today. Emily and Amaya don’t understand how I don’t get pissed at them for talking about me. I used to, but I just realized it was useless. I’ll go off on the person who started the rumor since they had no right to mess in my business but everyone else is just talking about it cause their friend heard it from blah blah who hear it from their girlfriend, etc. Emily pointed out that a few people were glancing at me during lunch and I admitted it’s been like that all day.
We talked about everything going on and she asked me if I felt weird today because she had a serious headache from using the bubble blower. Luckily, I didn’t. I don’t think I used it enough to get any side effects.
The rest of the day was just so boring and weird, and I was counting the minutes until we could finally go home. I bet if I did ride the bus home, people would be whispering about it, too. But I drove my car here, so I’ve got to drive it back. The radio was turned up to a pretty high volume as I drove home. Sera was home before I was, to my surprise. Usually, when I drive, I get home before the bus drops her off, but I wasn’t going very fast today. I ate a simple bowl of yogurt before starting to go straight up to my room. I need to send Amaya a text, she hasn’t said anything all day.
“Wait, Vali…” I heard Sera say and I turned, walking over to the door to our upstairs living room.
“Is this guy hot?” Seraphina turned her phone towards me so I could – damn, that guy was hot as fuck! Like shit, you don’t even need to ask!
“Hell yes. 20 out of 10 would fuck,” I replied, and Sera blushed. “Is that your boyfriend? Cause if it is… I’m sorry, but I need a piece of that.”
“Then why…” I trailed off, trying to figure out why my sister was looking up pictures of hot dudes. “Oh my gosh, you’re trying to turn yourself on, aren’t you?”
Her face reddened and she squirmed in her seat, obviously uncomfortable. “No!”
“It’s okay, I’ve done it before, too. I have plenty of good porn sites that you can check out – ”
“You’ve got the wrong idea, Vali!”
I shrugged, getting up with a smirk. “Okay, sure. Just tell me if you change your mind.”
She’s so awkward about this stuff. One mention of sex and she’s out of the conversation. Romance, too. I always thought it was because she was younger. But now she’s fifteen! When I was fifteen… I had three boyfriends, not all at the same time. Well, I was kinda dating the first two at the same time, but the third guy was Kyle, and now we’ve been dating for a year, even if I don’t know how much longer we’ll last. Even if Sera won’t admit she was trying to turn herself on, I know she was. What else could she have been doing? I went to my computer, scrolling through my Simchat feed.
As I kept going, I got more and more annoyed. There were so many just asking me if I’d fucked Kyle. I didn’t even give these people my account name! Ugh. But there was one I came across specifically that really set me off. It was a actual video of Kyle and I making out against the closet door with the caption, “You know they just fucked.” I sent them back a quick snap replying, “Aw, your love life is so bad that you have to butt into everyone else’s” Yeah, it was a bit extra and I really didn’t have to be so mean, but I was actually really mad that someone had been filming our private moments. I sent Amaya a quick text before I shut off the computer, then shut my eyes before changing into my bathing suit. Yes, it’s winter. Yes, it’s snowing. No, I’m not crazy. We have a hot tub for a reason. I exhaled slowly, letting myself get lost in the music and the warmth of the bubbling water around me. At least for a little while, I could forget about all the shit going on in my life. I just stopped thinking about it. And at least for then… it was peaceful.